Daily Post: Earliest Regret

What’s your biggest regret? How would your life have been different if you’d made another decision?

I regret nothing!

That’s a lie.

I don’t know about my biggest regret, but I do remember my earliest.

In 1st grade, I was separated into different classes from the friends I’ve had since Nursery School. I have no clue what teachers were thinking considering my awkwardness, but they did it.

My friends started making new friends and still to this day, I get jealous when this happens especially if I don’t get along with the other person. Anyway, Ciara was going to have a barbie party. I remember not being excited about the barbie part. I wasn’t against all things girly, but I never liked Barbie. I don’t remember it exactly, but I do know I would feel out of place at this party.

When I mentioned it to my mom she said we were planning on going to see Anastasia in theaters, instead. I had to make a choice. My parents never took me to the theaters. They were sure I would throw a fit and couldn’t behave myself. I believe this might have been because my parents were so afraid of us acting out that they chose to never bring us in public. 

So, I had my decision and I really wanted to go to this party. Plus, my mom pointed out there would be other parties I would go to. It would work out, right?

Nope. Apparently, first graders are a bunch of jerks and you become ostracized over one stupid Barbie party. After the weekend, I went up to Ciara and her other friend, Kate (whom I did not like). I told her I was sorry about not going and that maybe I’d go next year. I remember this scene perfectly. Her and Kate were climbing this yellow swirly ladder we had to get up to another platform on the playground. I was down on the wood chips looking up.

“I’m going to the movies next year and I can only bring one friend. I’m picking Kate.”

To which Kate said. “Yeaaaah.”

Have any of you watched Lilo and Stitch? I’m sure you have. Well, there’s the little red headed girl who picks on Lilo and her evil friends. Her friends say yeah after everything this girl says. That’s exactly how this whole conversation happened. Even with that obnoxious yeah. I remember watching it and cringing at that part. It sent me back into a memory that I would have been happy forgetting.

Anyway, Ciara stopped talking to me. Jenna and I had been best friends since Nursery School and after being put in separate classes we drifted apart. I remember telling my mom how mean she was being to me and she just said that friends grow a part. I wanted to prove her wrong, but after the party scene, Jenna came up and told me about how fun it was and then walked off. 

In the future, some of us would become friends while some of us would still have a strong dislike for each other. It wasn’t until Middle School until we ever acknowledged each other again. Ciara ended up moving at some point. I can’t even remember when.

My mom did end up telling me she planned that movie on the day because she didn’t want me to go to a stranger’s house. She didn’t know the parents and so on. I was always quick to point out that it was not my fault she decided to not go to all of those parent things and talk to them. I hold grudges for a very long time.

It was such a little thing, but it made a huge impact. I wonder what would have happened if I had gone to that party. Would I have had fun? Would I have been too awkward to even know what to do? My mom said I did spend the night at a friend’s house and ended up crying enough where the parent called my mom to come get me. I have no memory of ever being at a friend’s house and not remembering freaks me out a bit.

I doubt it would have changed much. It did stop them all from talking to me, but maybe we were on that path already and I just wasn’t aware of it. I didn’t know how to act around my peers. I wasn’t in outside activities. I didn’t do Girl Scouts. Maybe we would have all stayed friends throughout the years. I don’t know if that would have made the way we turned out after being friends in Middle/High school at all.

That may have not changed at all.

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