…Or a Lamp

This has been on my mind for a while and it’s driving me crazy. I have no clue how I feel about the “friend-zone”, but maybe that’s why I’m going to write all of this out.

…but it could also be because I wanted to use this.

Urban dictionary gave me a delightful amount of definitions for the friend-zone. Here are some of them!
1. What you attain after you fail to impress a woman you’re attracted to. Usually initiated by the woman saying, “You’re such a good friend”. Usually associated with long days of suffering and watching your love interest hop from one bad relationship to another. Verb tense is “Friend-ed”.

2. A myth based on a lie straight women tell their ugly straight male friends as a less hurtful way of rejecting their sexual advances. It is said that if a man doesn’t immediately make his romantic intentions known that the woman will forever consider him a friend. He is then said to be in the “friend zone.”

3. The worse place a man can be unless

1.He is gay
2.The girl is ugly.
You know what? I know how I feel about the friend-zone. It’s an excuse for men to bitch. This was one of the definitions, but towards a girl. I didn’t use it because of the amount of spelling errors. Anyway, I will get to that when I’m done with these definitions.
The first one is too important, so I’m moving to the second friend zone. That guy who is supposedly in the friend-zone may not be ugly. I know it’s shocking. Maybe, it has to do with something else. You could have different ideas of what is right and wrong, you could have different interests, or you could just not have that chemistry every relationship needs. You might have enough of all of this to be friends, but not enough to be in a relationship.
                  (Captions stopped working. 😦 Anyway, friend-zoning this might be impossible. But unless you’re Channing, your beauty might not make up for any other flaws.)
The third one is absolutely ridiculous. They always say girls can’t be friend-zoned. Let me tell ya, I’ve been friend-zoned a lot. I just keep going with my life and decide to keep my crush to myself until it dissipates. This puts on that whole “women are so emotional, men just want to have sex blah blah blah.” Well,  if you just want to have sex, move on! Go find somebody else! If women are so emotional, well then they would continuously try to get the guy, but instead they move on and keep the friend. I’ve done this countless of times. It’s okay. You’ll make it through.
So, I’ve obviously been through this or I wouldn’t be complaining so much. I met my best friend in 7th grade and I immediately thought he was great. He liked the same books that I did and had this spy journal that I thought was cool. I liked him as a friend and unfortunately, it was equal. He apparently liked me more. I didn’t believe it at all, but all of my friends kept telling me and I just didn’t want to believe it. Why would I? He was a nice guy, but I wasn’t interested in him. I was 12. I had crushes on guys who were way out of my league. I had to go through with it.
Bringing us to ninth grade, I started wondering. I became interested in him. He was always really nice to me and he was cute. (yeah, I was attracted to him. I  know, what?! He’s supposed to be ugly) We had been friends for two years so far and maybe it was time to just try it out. We had a few conversations where I was leading him into seeing that I liked him, but I was also too shy to actually say anything. (fear of rejection? commitment? just wanted him to say it? I don’t know.) Eventually, he asked me to a movie. We didn’t say what it was. It was supposed to be two friends hanging out, but I was nervous since this would be my first date. AHHHH! I actually thought I had saved the conversation, but it either was on a different e-mail or I deleted it. 😦 Unfortunately for me, I did find some other cringe-worthy conversations. Ouch.
Anyway, I stayed at a friends house the night before and right before I went to sleep I said, “I don’t like him anymore.” She jumped up and started to beat me with a pillow. They  had been waiting for this, you see and out of the blue my doubt came to the surface and I shut down. Uh-oh.
I did go on the date and it was fine. We went and saw The Invisible and I didn’t start sobbing or anything. We walked around someone referred to us as a couple. Neither of us made a move, we went home, and everything was fine.
                           (I probably wouldn’t have said no to this, but we were fourteen… maybe if we had been a bit older)
Do you feel bad for him? I don’t know. Did I lead him on? I don’t know. My feelings were there. They really were, but for some reason they went away. I was mad at this. He was a nice guy and I loved spending time with him and yet nothing. This nothing went on for a while until my Senior year when those feeling rose up again and since then nothing went back to normal. I screwed a bunch up and I still wonder what would have happened if I had made the other choice. I don’t think I was ready for that. I knew if I committed to him, it would be a bigger commitment than I was ready for. I’m not good at that.
He started dating other people. I had a boyfriend as well, but it didn’t stop me from being jealous. That’s a flaw I’ll admit to. I only wanted him to like me just in case I returned those feelings. I really did. I couldn’t hold onto him forever, so he started dating a girl I hated (I’ve hated her since I met her, it had nothing to do with him) and then the next one and then the one he’s in now. In that time I’ve dated a few guys. The thing is though is that it didn’t mess things up for just him. It really didn’t.
We’re both in our Senior years of College in two different states. I’ve been dating a guy for the last three years and him and his girlfriend have been together for one or two years. The last time we talked was summer of 2011. We’ve had small conversations since then, but nothing substantial. I lost a best friend due to our issues back in high school where the friend zone supposedly existed and I didn’t care for him as he cared about me or at least that’s what he thinks.
This is when I get angry and rant about my life none of you know. He was my best friend. I needed him. It’s not a one way thing. No, I didn’t want to date him, but if he had told me we weren’t going to be friends back in my Senior year unless I dumped the guy I was dating, I might have just done that to be with him. He wouldn’t have done that due to other issues that would have occurred, but he meant more to me than I think I meant to him. To him, I was the girl he had wanted and who dated a ton of other losers while wishing there was a guy like him. To me, he was the guy who was my best friend and who I shared everything with. I’ll admit it, I was used to him following me around and doing things for me. Yeah, that was bad, but once he got a backbone and was able to say no, I craved his attention and felt special when he paid that attention to me. I’ve made other guy friends, but not one has been as important to me as he was. I have the one friend I talked about earlier and he’s great, but I don’t talk to him about my boyfriend and I don’t tell him everything. It sucks when you lose a friend because you can’t return the feelings.
Back to that first definition. Jumping from one bad relationship to another. That part right there. I’ve had decent relationships, but one year I dated a guy who was awful. I wasn’t attracted to him, he believed in everything I hated, and he only ever wanted to have sex and pushed so many boundaries. Yet, I was with him until the next guy came along. I can tell you right now that my best friend was much better than this guy. I knew he would never hurt me, but maybe I needed that. Some of it I didn’t, but I realized what I did need. I liked having a guy who would stick up for himself. I’m stubborn. I don’t back down. My friend always backed down and nodded his head in agreement. Now, he’ll argue back and I absolutely love it.
This is not my confession to feeling more for this guy by the way. I love my boyfriend and maybe we’ll go somewhere. I don’t know about that, but it’s possible. He loves his girlfriend and last time I talked to him, he had a Plan. I’m happy for him. What I wanted this to be is that the friend-zone doesn’t only hurt the one who wants the other, but also hurts the person being wanted. Unless it’s a relationship where it’s not equal at all, both parties  get hurt. In this case, he went on while I’m still wondering, could it have been different? I’m sure I’ll get on the topic of him again, but I wanted to argue the friend-zone in this entirely too long blog post and maybe eventually him and I will talk and he’ll see this and…. yeah, that’s about as far as I’ve gotten.
Just another favorite first kiss. Just another favorite first kiss to go along with Nick and Jess. 🙂
Advertisements

One thought on “…Or a Lamp

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s